jump then fall into me

dear entertainment industry,

well. that’s it. you’ve finally broken me.

in retrospect, i’m not surprised it came to this. i was young, naive, and foolish when you seduced me with promises of glitz and glamour. i fell for you, hard and fast. i can’t believe i thought it would ever work out. you were beautiful, and everyone was courting you. yet somehow, stupidly, i believed i could make you mine if i became a comm major. i gave up everything and changed for you. for one beautiful summer, i even thought we had a chance at working out. those two internships were brief, but they changed my life forever.

then fall came, our fling ended, and you began pushing me away. you wouldn’t answer my emails, and you never showed up for our scheduled dates. i came abroad this semester because i thought you just needed some space, but now that i’ve tried to reconnect with you, i see that didn’t help. in fact, i think i might have made it worse. none of my tactics are working. development, PR, marketing, journalism — you won’t have any of it. you’ve shut me out completely.

i just want you to know that it was never just lust. i genuinely adored you. even though you were shallow, cruel, and whoring around with every soroslut and frat boy at USC, i thought i’d be the exception. i now realise i was the rule. what could you possibly want from me — a nerdy, average-looking psych major? i have no money, no connections… nothing you couldn’t get from any of the other girls at USC. all i have is my humble love.

so, i guess this is goodbye. i honestly don’t know where i’ll go now. i could get back together with psychology, but there was never any spark between us. my family keeps urging me to settle down with law school, but i don’t think it’d work out — we’re too different. honestly, you’re the only one i can see myself settling down with.

i won’t do that to myself again, though. there are only so many rejections a girl can take before the pain becomes unbearable. maybe one day you’ll realise we were meant to be, but until that day, i can’t wait for you. i have to move on.

brokenheartedly yours,

annie