being a student in annenberg is incredibly stressful. you’re constantly surrounded by people who have connections, who have great personalities, who are doing things with their lives. every conversation is a reminder that you have to step up your game. half of the people i know in annenberg already have jobs lined up after graduation or know how they’re going to get them. how do you even compete with that?
this morning i was hit by an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. nothing in particular triggered it — it’s just a number of things that have been building up. paramount turned me down yesterday after making me wait 3 weeks for a decision. terry hines & associates still hasn’t gotten back to me, despite offering an internship to one of my friends immediately after her interview today. someone in one of my classes mentioned that he got an interview at fox yesterday because he knew someone there who passed his resume on to the right people, which is apparently the only way to get hired there. basically, i feel very unwanted right now.
people always tell me that they believe in me and they know i’m going to be successful because i’m so driven. i wish i believed in myself the way they believe in me. being driven can only get your toes in the door in my industry. the rest is all connections and personality, neither of which i have a great deal of. every morning i wake up one day closer to graduation but no more sure about what i’m going to do or how i’m going to support myself once i’m on my own. i don’t trust my abilities — i’m not a great public speaker, i talk too fast, i’m terrible at coming up with creative ideas, and i don’t have the thick skin i need to pursue what i want. i’m worried that what i CAN do won’t be enough to set me apart from the hundreds of other qualified candidates out there. i mean, i’ve already had four internships and four jobs, and i’m still being overlooked for people with less experience. what more can i do?
i just wish something great would happen to me, something that would reassure me that i have something others don’t. i know i shouldn’t compare myself to others, but how else do you evaluate yourself if not against people with the same goals as you?